My journal: Baptism for a commitment-phobic man

I’m so proud to say I took the plunge and came out a Christian. It was on May 14th and I’m holding strong in my faith in God’s plan. And much to my surprise, it’s HARD AS HELL! 

Why? Because I’m getting everything I asked for. I asked God to help me be more faithful, and now my world is falling apart. However, I’m choosing to keep a good attitude, which I never really did before.

I asked how to become stronger, and I’m experiencing some of the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced. However, I am facing them with a clear head. No numbing, no chasing distractions.

I’ve lost some people but I’m forging uplifting connections with new people.

My health has been troublesome but I’m stepping up and taking responsibility for it. Choosing research and self-care instead of masking the symptoms and, you guessed it, chasing distractions. 

Yep. I’m getting what I need even if it’s not what I want. But something incredible is happening. Even in the worst of it, when the emotions hit like tidal waves, I know I’m growing. And that’s what my soul was missing, I’ve come to understand. Growth. Facing the hard things to have a better life. 

So why Christianity? As I’ve mentioned before, I found God through people at the church. On a personal level, the only thing that’s been defusing those tidal waves has been praying to Jesus, begging for help. And without fail, the calm has come within seconds. And it doesn’t otherwise. So the proof is in the pudding.

Faith. It’s been the game-changer. Choosing to believe there’s a bigger picture and deeper meaning to all the turmoil, both inside and in society. To be fair, I’ve always liked the idea of having faith and I actually thought I was a faithful person, but in the hustle and bustle of life it’s too easy to get lost in the daily details. I’ve found that a daily spiritual practice combined with church on Sundays and acts of service is my way of holding faith and trusting the unknown.

And it’s working. So much is changing on the inside and it’s being reflected on the outside. Far less stress too, now that I’m not thinking and rethinking about the nature of reality and why we are here and all that. I made a choice. Committed. And now it’s just keeping the faith, working daily to be a better person, and putting that analysis paralysis mental energy into stuff that matters, like my ultimate vision for my life. And being grateful. And just enjoying the incredible people around me.


It was a beautifully intense day and the start of something fascinating. It’s my opinion that it doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you believe in something. But I’ll tell you, I’m finding my answers in the teachings and good examples of Jesus and the Christians he has inspired. It’s a relationship I’m feeding each day, and each day it is opening my eyes and heart just a bit more.

One response to “My journal: Baptism for a commitment-phobic man”

  1. […] it goes against my (rebellious, mistrusting, introverted) grain to actually commit to a belief system. So I’ve been asking myself quite a bit lately, why now and why […]


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