My journal: How therapeutic writing is fixing the bullsh!t

I started this blog when my dog Buzz died unexpectedly one night. It was meant to be about dog health and whatnot. Learning about and implementing all the healthy happy things I planned to do with my K9 companion, but never did.

So I started to research dog wellness. I started making organic bone broth for my girlfriend’s dogs. I read Cesar Millan’s Be The Pack Leader, it was a life-changing book. I studied canine massage (seriously). But it didn’t help anything. It was too late for all that. Action and distraction were not going to bring him back.

But what did help was writing about Buzz. Just grieving him.

It gave shape to the swirls of unhelpful emotions that I didn’t realize I was holding onto. Guilt, regret, the sometimes crushing weight of the reality of a future without him. But once I just started writing about him, things made simple sense: I missed him. Still do. And that’s okay.

Honestly, what messed me up most (after the storm cleared) was the times I’d forget about Buzz. I would be scrolling through my phone and see his goofy face and realize I hadn’t thought about him in a long time. It was scary and I don’t really know why…

I’m sure therapeutic writing has been a thing for a while. Maybe that’s all journaling is, but it was always too unfocused for me to really get into.

But a theme, a point to a writing session I could get behind. And I found that by writing out something that keeps intruding into my head, heart, soul, it would make space for new better thoughts and emotions. And it allows me to honor a memory (good or bad) and see the lessons. Which is key to me exploring my faith.

Therapeutic writing is helping me to clear out old “funk” and realize that I had an emptiness in my chest now that I used to fill with sorrows, anger, past regrets and future anxieties. But this emptiness is not bad, I discovered. It was an invitation to fill it with something new of my choosing.

I chose to check out my local church and get to know some Christans. I started volunteering, joined a men’s Bible study group (which is way cooler than it sounds ha-ha) and basically decided to commit to being a better me, but with a framework and a community that is thrilled to support my journey.

And I’m choosing to embrace my inner-weirdo and express whatever that looks like, in all it’s bizarre glory.

So that’s the story of what me-focused writing has been doing for my personal well-being. How its helping to reconnect me to myself, heart and soul. My intuition is coming back, my inner-compass you could say, and I’m starting to feel happy again. And more honest.

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